Sometimes at work if there's someone about 30 feet behind me in the hallway, i will turn a corner and speed up very fast for about 5 seconds while i am out of that person's view. Then I slow back down to my normal pace so that when my coworker turns the same corner and sees me 40 feet in front of him (instead of 30), but still walking at the same pace that he saw me at before i turned the corner, he says to himself, "How is Bryan that much further ahead of me right now when he and I have both been walking at the same speed?"
I have done this probably a hundred times before, and I am still waiting for the one person who will stop me one afternoon and say, "Hey, something has been bothering me from earlier this morning. Remember when you were walking in front of me and all of a sudden you were a lot further in front of me than you were before you turned the corner? Was that magic or something?" And then I'll say, "Look, don't tell anyone about it or we'll both get screwed." And then I'll walk away really fast like I just robbed a bank.
It hasn't happened yet, but I can't wait until it does. It's so much fun blowing people's minds.
the preceding was exhibit #439 in the ongoing proof that I am an idiot.
31.7.07
proof of idiocy - exhibit #439
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5 comments:
i'll tell you one thing: my mind is blown.
The best is when you can run around the building and sneak up behind the person again. Then you drop a small turd between you and them and when they look back, disgustedly look from turd to their face, turd to face, repeatedly…
Or maybe go outside and as they pass a window pretend to be gardening. When they see you, smile and wipe your brow. (Before pointing horrificly at a small turd placed behind them in the hall.)
Or why not try substituting a black man in your place as they turn the corner? Then the black man could call the person a racist for thinking he's so far ahead just because he's black. (As the gardener Bryan outside gives the finger, person looks back to see a now furious black man has stepped in turd and bears a, “Yours?” look on his face.)
Or the fail safe… have a table set up beforehand with the complete Encyclopedia Brittanica set strewn on the floor around you. As they turn the corner you’re casually reading, “Zyzzyva; a small, tropical American weevil. Well, duh.”
(Immediately drop book and point at turd.)
thanks for the ideas aaron. you clearly have experience in the "blowing people's minds" field. one question though, do i have to "pretend" to be gardening, or can i actually be gardening? because i'd be afraid that they would see through my rouse of fake gardening and realize i was responsible for the planted turd.
Ha! An excellent question Bryan!
But, what I forgot to tell you, is that part of your gardening duties is to actually plant live turds!
(The perfect cover my friend!)
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