Giddyup!

Why is it that whenever someone does something blasphemous or wrong, people joke around about God striking them with lightning? When was that precedent ever set? I’m no biblical scholar, but I don’t believe God ever used lightning to kill someone in the Bible. Floods? Yes. Turning them into a salt statue? Sure. Dropping a large anvil on their head? I think that happened in Deuteronomy. But lightning, I don't think so.

My good friend wikipedia informs me that lightning strikes only kill about 80 people a year in the United States. Compare that to something as serene as horses, which are responsible for the deaths of over 200 people a year. Clearly, God is much more fond of using horses to kill than he is of using lightning.(1)

So maybe next time someone tells God to "get off his big fat butt and do something" or the next time one of your buddies unleashes a volley of expletives in the direction of the heavens, change the game on them. Instead of pretending to duck the lightning bolts, just yell "Ride em cowboy!" (2)

-this message brought to you by FECAL, Folks Ensuring Change About Lightning

(1)-Amazingly, horses named "Lightning" have not been linked to a single death in the United States ever. Apparently the two effects cancel each other out. The same applies to horses named "Doctor Kevorkian", "No Pulse", and "I'm Going to Die".

(2)-Doing a mock lassoing motion with your right arm while pretending to hold onto a saddle with your left hand and bobbing up and down will greatly enhance the effect. It will also make you look like a moron, which is a nice added bonus.